Nobody enjoys difficult conversations. They’re uncomfortable, unpredictable, and sometimes feel like they could blow everything up. So we put them off. We tell ourselves it’s not the right time. We wait for the “perfect moment” that never comes.
But here’s the thing about avoiding difficult conversations in relationships: the conversation doesn’t go away. It just gets heavier.
If you’ve been carrying something around—a frustration, a fear, a need that isn’t being met—you might already know what conversation you’re dodging. Or maybe you’ve gotten so good at avoidance that you’ve convinced yourself everything is fine.
These 15 signs might tell a different story.
1. You Rehearse Arguments in the Shower
You’ve had the conversation a hundred times—in your head. You know exactly what you’d say, how they’d respond, and how you’d counter. But somehow, it never makes it out of the bathroom.
Mental rehearsals feel productive, but they’re actually a form of avoidance. You’re processing the anxiety without addressing the problem.
What to do instead: Write down three sentences you’d want to say. Just having them on paper makes it easier to say them out loud.
2. You Keep Score Silently
Every time they leave dishes in the sink, come home late, or forget something important—you add it to an invisible tally. You don’t say anything. You just… remember.
Silent scorekeeping is a sign that smaller issues are piling up because a bigger conversation isn’t happening.
Say this: “I’ve noticed I’ve been keeping track of things that bother me instead of bringing them up. Can we talk about how we handle the small stuff?”
Not that: “You ALWAYS do this. Remember last Tuesday? And the week before?”
3. You Change the Subject When Things Get Real
The conversation starts heading somewhere meaningful, and suddenly you’re cracking jokes, checking your phone, or pivoting to what’s for dinner.
Deflection is one of the most common ways we avoid difficult conversations in relationships without even realizing we’re doing it.
4. You’ve Become an Expert at “Fine”
How was your day? Fine.
How are you feeling about us? Fine.
Is something wrong? I’m fine.
“Fine” is the verbal equivalent of a locked door. If you’re using it regularly, ask yourself what you’re keeping on the other side.
5. You Wait for Them to Bring It Up First
You figure if it’s important enough, they’ll say something. And if they don’t say something, maybe it’s not that big a deal. Right?
Wrong. Waiting for your partner to read your mind (or your mood) isn’t fair to either of you. Your needs are your responsibility to voice.
6. You’ve Started Venting to Everyone Except Your Partner
Your best friend knows. Your mom knows. Your coworker who sits three desks away knows. The only person who doesn’t know how you’re feeling is the one who could actually do something about it.
Venting feels like relief, but it’s borrowed relief. It lets the pressure out without solving anything.
7. Small Things Make You Disproportionately Angry
They didn’t text you back for two hours, and suddenly you’re furious. Not “mildly annoyed” furious—livid.
When small issues trigger big emotions, it’s usually because they’re connected to something larger you haven’t addressed.
8. You Use Busyness as a Shield
Between work, errands, the gym, and that show you’re binging, there’s just no time to sit down and talk. What a coincidence.
Busyness is a socially acceptable way to avoid intimacy. If your schedule conveniently prevents meaningful connection, it might be by design.
9. You’ve Mentally Checked Out of Planning the Future
Conversations about moving in together, finances, kids, or next year’s vacation get vague responses or outright avoidance. You’re not sure where you stand, so you’d rather not think about it.
Avoiding future-talk is often a sign there’s a present-talk that needs to happen first.
10. You Feel Relief When Plans Get Canceled
Date night got canceled because they have to work late, and your first feeling is… relief?
That relief is data. It’s telling you something about the current state of your connection and what conversations might be lurking underneath the surface.
11. Intimacy Feels Like Going Through the Motions
Physical or emotional intimacy has become routine—something to check off rather than something that draws you closer. You’re present, but not really present.
This often signals a deeper disconnect that words need to address before bodies can follow.
12. You’ve Stopped Asking Questions You Don’t Want Answers To
Are you happy?
Is there something you’ve been wanting to tell me?
Where do you see us in five years?
If there are questions you’ve been avoiding because you’re afraid of the answers, that fear itself is worth exploring.
13. You Pick Fights About Surface-Level Stuff
Instead of talking about feeling disconnected, you argue about who forgot to take out the trash. Instead of addressing trust issues, you bicker about screen time.
Surface fights are often proxies for deeper conversations we’re not ready to have.
Try this: Next time a small argument starts escalating, pause and ask, “Is this really about the dishes, or is there something bigger we should talk about?”
14. You’ve Started Speaking in “Always” and “Never”
“You always make me feel like I’m not a priority.”
“You never listen to me.”
Absolute language is a sign of built-up frustration from many unspoken moments. It’s unfair and unproductive—but it happens when we let things simmer too long.
Say this: “I felt hurt when [specific thing] happened. Can we talk about it?”
Not that: “You NEVER think about how I feel.”
15. You’re Reading This Article
If you clicked on this, you probably already knew something was off. That’s not a criticism—it’s actually a good sign. Awareness is step one.
The question now is: what are you going to do with it?
Why We Avoid (And Why It Doesn’t Work)
Avoiding difficult conversations in relationships usually comes from a good place. We want to keep the peace. We don’t want to hurt anyone. We’re scared of what might happen if we’re honest.
But avoidance doesn’t prevent conflict—it postpones and amplifies it. Small issues become resentments. Resentments become distance. Distance becomes disconnection.
The conversations we’re most afraid of are often the ones our relationships need most.
How to Start the Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding
Here’s a simple framework:
- Name it. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk about, and I’ve been putting it off.”
- Own your part. “I haven’t brought it up because I was scared of how you’d react—but that’s not fair to either of us.”
- State your need. “I need us to talk about [specific topic] because it’s affecting how I feel about us.”
- Invite them in. “I’m not looking for a fight. I’m looking for us to figure this out together.”
It won’t be perfect. It might be awkward. But it will be real—and real is where relationships actually grow.
Start Talking with Woven
Having hard conversations is, well, hard. That’s where Woven comes in.
Woven is a relationship app designed to help couples communicate better—with guided conversations, daily prompts, and exercises that make it easier to say the things that matter.
Whether you’re navigating conflict, rebuilding trust, or just trying to connect more deeply, Woven gives you the tools to have the conversations your relationship needs.
Download Woven today and start talking.